Tag Archives: #relationships

Spirituality

The Enemy Within

A couple of years ago I read two scientific articles that said, according to their research, around 80% of adults in the United States didn’t like themselves. Eighty percent? This shocked me. Then I thought about it.

Every day you see people tearing others down in the public forum known as the internet. People use their keyboards and phone screens to say things they wouldn’t say in person. Their passive-aggressive behavior reigns.

Jesus told us to “love our neighbors as we love ourselves.” When fear, anger and even hatred are settled in the heart of man, they will destroy you from within. How can you feel good about yourself with those ruling your inner psyche? You will do further harm by expressing yourself in a way that damages others. It’s a never ending cycle of futility.

Fear, anger and hate are rooted in unresolved issues that require forgiveness. Make no mistake, forgiveness is hard and it isn’t automatic. True forgiveness takes time. It cannot be forced.

I encourage you to continue working on yourself. When the enemy within needs forgiveness, face it. You, and your relationship with others, will benefit. After all, forgiveness is for you, not the offender…

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Spirituality, Uncategorized

The Search for Peace

Some people thrive in chaos. They love to stir things up. When things are calm, it’s almost like peace makes them uncomfortable.

Peace and contentment go together. Contentment gets a bad rap. If you are considered to be a contented person, people start to believe you are devoid of ambition. This may be true for some, but not for me.

My life is full. I’m still enjoying a career I love, and I have a few other things that not only keep me busy, but they bring fulfillment. Yet, if I never accomplish anything else, I’m at peace with it.

You create your own environment. Keep the chaotic people away. If someone doesn’t bring peace into my life, they will never be part of my inner sphere.

I encourage you to do the same. Peace is priceless…

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Spirituality

What’s In A Name?

Our foundations are in our family and our name. We are born into a legacy that existed before us, and it will continue after we are gone. What we choose to do with it is up to us.

God thought of us individually before the world was formed. He decided the era we would be born in. Many times I have been grateful to be alive during the time of indoor plumbing and air conditioning (I live in Texas. It gets hot!).

The family I was born into was a mess. There was insecurity, fear, and sometimes, violence. My brain was in a constant state of “fight or flight.” Fortunately, I have been able to reprogram my mind, but it took time and effort. Not everyone takes the steps to heal.

The legacy I am creating with my children is healthier than that which I experienced. For this, I am forever grateful to God for guiding my steps. He is good.

Be proud of your name. God didn’t make a mistake. If your family was a train wreck like mine, you can change, if you’re willing.

Be willing…

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Spirituality

Beneath the Surface

Surface conversations last about a minute with me. Time is precious and I refuse to use it engaging in meaningless talk. Learning about people in a deeper sense is an art form, in a way. And I do love the arts!

People and their life stories are fascinating to me. My insatiable curiosity is one of the reasons I podcast. Everyone wants to be seen, heard and understood. Sharing their stories publicly allows others to open up a bit, knowing complete strangers will learn about them. It requires courage.

And speaking of the arts, one of my favorite bands is the Goo Goo Dolls. In their song, “Iris,” the lyrics are “And I don’t want the world to see me, ‘cause I don’t think that they’d understand. When everything’s meant to be broken, I just want you to know who I am.” Did you catch it? One man who desires to hide from the world, but wants to be fully known by one person. It’s a beautiful, telling lyric.

Try to get to know people for who they are, not what they can do for you. Be relational, not transactional…

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Spirituality

Was It Worth It?

During my life I have observed people who spent more time trying to build wealth than anything else. In a moment of confession, I have been guilty of doing the same. I’m one of the fortunate ones. Having children changed my perspective.

When the end of life comes, no matter how much you have accumulated, none of it goes into eternity with you. Great fortunes have been built, only to be pissed away by future generations. Was it worth it?

The most important thing is people. Relationships, like wealth and resources, must be built. They require time and effort. And just like our bank accounts, they can be lost quickly.

My encouragement to you is, take the time to be close to those who are important to you. Do it before the relationships are too far gone to repair. Keep showing up, even if this makes you uncomfortable. You will be creating a lasting legacy no one can put a price on…

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Spirituality

Conflict Resolution

Resolving conflicts is necessary for healthy relationships. You will have disagreements but they don’t have to shred the relationship. Successful conflict resolution begins with trust.

Divorce rates have come down some, yet still hover around 44%. It is estimated that 80% of the couples who stay together aren’t fulfilled in their marriages. Part of the issue is we don’t know how to resolve conflicts in a healthy way. This has generational implications.

We are taught how to argue by watching our parents. If one parent strong arms the other, we learn it’s “my way or the highway.” That’s not going to work in the long run because the counter party feels unimportant. Resentments build, and if they go unexpressed it turns to bitterness. Bitterness destroys you from the inside.

From my own observations around 80% of families are dysfunctional. It’s the same for one parent homes. Kids need structure to feel secure. If they aren’t getting it at home they will find it somewhere.

If dealing with conflict is a challenge for you, I encourage you to learn how to do it better by reading books and periodicals. Practice. Be willing to listen to the person you are in conflict with. Communicate how you feel.

This might make you uncomfortable, but staying comfortable never works. You can learn and grow, even through conflict…

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Spirituality, Uncategorized

Reports Don’t Tell You Everything

Have you ever seen a marketing report? They are not only boring, they can be highly inaccurate. Yet corporate America continues to spend millions of dollars on them.

People want relationships which are more than transactional. Relationships are built on trust. Remember those market reports from above? Agencies even query consumers about which brands they trust. Again, costing millions of dollars that could be used to improve products.

There is one true source that cannot let us down. It talks about trust and incudes pieces on how to market effectively. I’m talking about the Bible. The Bible shows us that time and time again we can trust God. He tells us to be fair and equitable in dealing with others. Your reputation spread by word of mouth is the best marketing tool available. Your reputation is built by being trustworthy, treating people fairly.

Spend time with people. Strengthen your relationships. Stay in touch. You can read the marketing reports later…

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Spirituality

The “In Crowd”

When we were growing up, there were different groups of kids who hung around together. Popular kids, athletes, nerds, thugs and the rest existed within the same school. Sometimes the lines blurred between them.

In school, I got along with each group quite well. I marched to my own drumbeat and that rhythm didn’t necessarily fit into any one group. My friends are still spread across a diverse mosaic. Each person brings their unique song into the mix.

When my son was getting into trouble years ago, people would say “he’s just hanging around with the wrong crowd.” To me, that was just an excuse. You see, he chose the crowd. My son had solid character, and he eventually straightened his life out. But we get to choose who we associate with.

We are a product of our environment. Sometimes people are just transitory in your life. They aren’t meant to stay. Hang on to the ones who challenge you, who bring out the best in you. And you should do the same for them.

Those people are a treasure…

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Spirituality, Uncategorized

Rational Lies

We lie to ourselves. Now that is a true statement! We lie to ourselves and then we rationalize the lies. We overeat and swear we will exercise harder next week. We tell a little white lie and believe we are sparing someone some bad news. It’s time for this to stop.

People can handle the truth. In fact, most people can handle criticism if it’s done constructively. You discuss the behavior without criticizing the person. People appreciate honesty, especially when it’s designed to help them.

All of us have blind spots. There are things we need to improve in ourselves, yet we may be unaware of them. This is where we need our friends to tell us the truth. We need to be honest with others about their blind spots. We can take a lesson from the Apostle Paul and deliver the message with “gentleness and self-control.”

What are the lies you tell yourself? Take a moment of accountability. Write them down. Then actively work to improve. It’s a challenge, but you can rise and meet the challenge if you’re willing…

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Spirituality, Uncategorized

In Agreement

When we were little children we were told we should get along with others. The teachers didn’t show us how to resolve conflicts, though. We learned how to do that through after school fights on the playground!

In life, we like to see the adults play nice. We hope our world leaders can resolve differences without going to war. And we really like it when our politicians show civility to each other after brutal, nasty elections.

In case you haven’t noticed, people are at each other’s throats over political differences. Self-righteousness is on display daily on social media. Lifelong friendships have been left in tatters due to unresolvable conflicts. I believe we can do better, if we are willing.

I don’t have to agree with you to like you. If you are a good person, doing good in the world and caring for your fellow man, I’m okay with you. Over the course of my life I have observed that most people are good at heart. And it’s the heart that matters most.

My encouragement to you is to look for the good in the world. It’s there! Sometimes you gotta look hard to find it, but it’s there. And if you aren’t seeing it, change the lens you are seeing through…

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