Last November, students at Cornell University staged a “cry-in” after the presidential election didn’t go their way. The University of Michigan School of Law cancelled tests and established a “safe room” where students could sip hot cocoa, play with Legos and watch videos of puppies playing in a field. These are adults; mind you, not elementary school kids. What’s going on here?

These are manifestations of the “Participation Trophy” generation. You know what I’m talking about: if your child’s team didn’t place first, second or third your child received a trophy for “participating.” Nobody is left out; nobody feels bad. In the PC culture, everyone’s a winner. 

As a parent, seeing my children hurting was awful. But I had to allow them to experience pain so they learned resilience. If I don’t, I am risking their ability to handle life’s challenges and disappointments. Life throws some ugly stuff our way sometimes. These kids sitting in their cry-circles drinking cocoa aren’t going to be ready for it when life gets messy. They will fold rather than find the inner strength necessary to face challenges head-on. 

When we protect children from the pain of losing, we are robbing them of the opportunity to grow from it. Treating every child like a winner is the genesis of false expectations about life, weak character, and it teaches them that lackluster effort will be rewarded anyway, so why try our best? 

Let’s encourage our children to always do their best; “leave it all on the field” as my coaches would say. Then, win or lose, you can honorably look yourself in the mirror. 

Nowadays it seems we are defined by what we are against rather than what we are for. The latest dividing line is whether we stand for the National Anthem, or is it acceptable to take a knee. Let’s consider the bigger issue: freedom. 

We are privileged to have almost unlimited freedom in the United States, freedom we often take for granted. For example, a high-profile athlete called our president a “bum.” In the U.S., we can do that-call our leaders bums or something more harsh. Things may be different if an Iranian citizen called the Ayatollah a bum. A comment like that might result in the Iranian suffering a “horrible accident.”

Recently, it was announced women in Saudi Arabia will be able to apply for a drivers license without first getting permission from their male guardians. Not so fast, though. The male guardian policies of the Saudi monarchy are still in place. Women must first get the approval of their male guardian to open a bank account, receive medical treatment, get an education, travel; even work! These are cultural issues, yet I wonder how Saudi Arabian women would feel if they knew the freedoms women in America have. Talk about starting a revolution! 

As the clerics in Saudi Arabia figure out how to implement the new driving policy, we hear their opinions. According to some clerics, it’s inappropriate for women to drive. Others said men won’t know how to handle seeing women in traffic next to them. Well, men can barely get the trash out to the curb on time, so this may be a legitimate point. One cleric said driving was a danger to women’s ovaries!

Whichever side of the stand/kneel equation you are on, don’t be judgmental of the other side. Rather, view it as an opportunity for us to be unified. See, America is already great, and it’s great because of the freedom we enjoy. We are free to have differing beliefs and opinions. But never forget, our unique republic stands because much blood was spilled. And because our ancestors fought and died for freedom, each of us has the right to stand or take a knee. 

Let freedom reign…

For as long as I can remember, Mother’s Day has stirred conflicting emotions in me. As the day approaches, we are bombarded with visuals of Mom surrounded by her perfect, adoring family who shower her with flowers, food and smiles. Everyone is happy, the world is perfect, and Hallmark makes a fortune.

Life can be messy, and we know life isn’t always a Hallmark moment. Those of us who were raised in dysfunctional families experienced rejection and had parents we couldn’t trust. Combine those experiences with the shame we felt about our families and you have a potent cocktail. My parents demanded me to honor and respect them, but in the same breath told me I would never amount to anything; I was a worthless son. And therein lies the conflict: doing the right thing and honoring my parents, or doing what I felt like and feeling indifferent towards them.

I have had the privilege of seeing firsthand what a kind, loving, nurturing Mother looks like. This Mom is easy to honor. It still amazes me her daughters confide in her when they have problems. They trust her and know they are number one in her life. This Mom expresses love selflessly without expecting anything in return. She encourages her girls, challenges them to stretch themselves, and punishes when necessary.

I realize my story isn’t unique. One of my friends sends her dad a Mother’s Day card because he took on both parental roles due to her mothers narcissism and selfishness. How do we honor a mother who neglects her children for selfish reasons? How do we honor the mother who suffers from addiction, refuses to help herself and burdens her children with guilt? And how do we work through the fear of rejection which is buried deep in our DNA, and allow someone to see the real person inside?

One word: forgiveness. Forgiveness frees us from the destructiveness of our pasts. The little voice inside of me telling me I don’t count and will never be good enough loses its power, and I am secure in my identity and purpose. Oh make no mistake, the voices return occasionally, but I don’t have to believe them.

Forgiveness isn’t easy. Sometimes it takes years to forgive someone. Forgiving others is taking the road less traveled. There aren’t many people on that road, but the scenery sure is nice.

These days, it seems nobody is content in their situation. Everyone wants more, and when they get more it’s never enough. Being content is being grateful. We think of content people as not being ambitious; people drifting through life, accepting whatever comes their way and wanting nothing more. This is untrue. You can feel contentment while having a burning desire to make your life matter. Said another way, contentment means you appreciate what you have, but it doesn’t mean you plan to stay where you are. And if your best laid plans don’t work out the way you want, at your core you know everything is okay and you’ll live to fight another day.

Eckhardt Tolle writes about being in the conscious state of “not knowing.” Not knowing means we accept we don’t know anything more than the moment we have now, and when we are in this peaceful state we are able to get in touch with the great I AM. Our thoughts turn towards God and we quit trying to control everything, a natural tendency for many of us.

Complacency is different. Complacency is defined as “showing smug satisfaction with one’s achievements.” Until I read the definition for complacency, I thought it meant being lazy. Now I know it’s simply arrogance.

Is it possible for complacency and contentment to coexist? I don’t believe so, no more than it is possible for faith and fear to exist together. One thought dominates while the other one goes on vacation. When dialing in to Tolle’s state of not knowing, we live on purpose, in the moment and this allows us to be guided by the Spirit. Giving up control to a Higher Power isn’t scary or reckless. Quite the contrary. When we cede control and power, we gain wisdom and purpose.

Take a moment to practice gratitude. Write down what you are grateful for, even if it’s something you take for granted like fresh air to breathe. Gratitude is powerful, and it humbles us. Gratitude keeps us living in the moment rather than living in the past or too far in the future.

In Mark, Chapter 6, when Jesus pays a visit to his hometown, the Bible says He couldn’t perform miracles there because of the people’s lack of faith. But, He could do miracles; He chose not to. Why display Divine power when no one believes?

Do we show our faith the same way? Oftentimes, I may pray for something I really really want, yet deep down I don’t believe it will happen. Seeds of doubt, confusion and disbelief take root and cloud the truth. I’m feeling good about myself because I remembered to pray, but merely going through the motions is useless. Why should God show His awesome power through me when my conviction is missing?

Perhaps this is the key to unleashing the unlimited power of our mighty Creator.

Jesus said “If we have  faith the size of a mustard seed, we can move mountains. Further, God loves us and wants to demonstrate His power through us, lesser-created beings. We may see ourselves as small, but accomplishing God’s will is not about us. It’s about Him doing the unimaginable through us. Remember, everything is possible for God. Everything.

Be patient while waiting on the answer to prayer. Rarely do we get immediate answers.  Patience with never-wavering belief shows our faith.

I love this quote from Mark Batterson: “If our prayers aren’t impossible to us, they are an insult to God.”  So, take a chance. I challenge you to write down your most impossible, outrageous goals, dreams and desires. Ask the Creator to accomplish them through you. Be patient, and believe with mustard seed sized faith. You might move mountains…

How do you pray for God’s will in your life when, deep down, you may not really want it? After all, I know what makes me happy. Aren’t we all “self-made” and self-sufficient? Or, are we?

Being self-reliant is a good thing as long as we remember and acknowledge the source of our abilities; our gifts. We must exercise our free will, but God puts us in position to grow should we choose to. Looking back on my life, I clearly see God guiding and protecting me, although it didn’t  always feel like He was around at the time.

Praying for God’s will and accepting it involves trust. It’s difficult enough for me to trust other people. How am I supposed to trust a spirit I can’t even see? But that’s the foundation for growing our faith.  Trusting that God is in charge, loves us, and doesn’t want to harm us is how we can strengthen our faith. And we must believe God knows what’s best for us, even though we may not be able to see it at the time. Admittedly, it’s a struggle.

I suggest that we pray for God’s favor on our lives, knowing that He can and will bring good from life’s daily challenges and from our worst nightmares. Because where there is His will, there is always a way.

Jeremiah 29:11 says, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you hope and a future.” I meditate on this verse when I am trying to figure out this chaos called life. He never said it would be easy. Through life’s challenges, we are able to deepen our reliance on God and rely less on ourselves. And through spiritual growth, deeper trust follows. If it was easy, it wouldn’t be worthwhile. Keep going and continue growing.

Does God exist? Allow that question to sink in for a moment. I believe most of us have wrestled with God’s existence at some point in our lives. After all, we are taught that God is love, so how could a loving God allow hardships like death, divorce and abuse to happen? Having a scientific mind, I question everything and I find there are few definitive answers; only more questions!

Several years ago I was having a conversation with a client who is a brilliant scientist. At one point we started talking about faith. My client stated, “You know, as a scientist, I’m really sort of an atheist. I believe in what I can demonstrate scientifically and that doesn’t include a deity.” I replied, “Okay, I understand. But let me ask you a question. Have you ever experienced love?” He immediately replied, “Of course!” I calmly asked him to write out the chemical formula for love. He smiled, but obviously couldn’t comply. Then I said, this is what faith in God looks like: our faith tells us God is real, but we can’t prove it.

Wouldn’t it be great to have concrete proof of God’s existence? What if we witnessed miracles akin to Moses parting the Red Sea? Or how about He grants every prayer prayed immediately. God would be the ultimate vending machine. But if faith worked that way it wouldn’t be called faith. I’m not certain what you would call it, but I know it wouldn’t require any effort from us.

Consider the disciples for a moment. The disciples were along for the ride when Jesus restored eyesight to the blind, healed the sick, cast out demons and raised the dead! Yet the disciples were filled with doubt and fear when Jesus was arrested and killed. Jesus warned them of this, saying, “Your faith will be shaken (Mark 14:27).” I believe Jesus’ message was meant for us, too. After Jesus rose from the dead, He restored their spirits and their faith was solid. Many of the disciples died horrible deaths because of their now unshakable faith.

I would suggest we can see God’s hand in our lives when we take inventory of our past. Think of the people who have been put in your life at just the right moment, times that you have avoided an accident; or in my case, some awful auto accidents I have had where I should have been killed or disabled, yet I walked away complete. I know it gets frustrating when it doesn’t feel like God is working in our lives. But consider this: in Isaiah 60:22 God says, “When the time is right, I, the Lord, will make it happen.” That’s good enough for me…

How many times have you  heard someone say, “I just want people to be real?”  We live in a world where exaggerating our accomplishments is revered. Embellishments by politicians are expected and people try everything they can think of  to look younger; the Botox generation, so to speak.

Do you think God wants us to be real with Him? The dinner scene from the hit movie, “Meet the Parents” illustrates this point well. In the movie, the prospective son-in-law, Greg, is asked to say grace. Eager to make a good first impression, Greg really puts it all out there: “Oh dear God, thank you. You are such a good God to us, a kind and gentle…and accommodating God. And we thank you, oh sweet, sweet Lord of hosts…for the…smorgasbord…You have so aptly lain at our table this day…and each day…by day. Day by day by day. Oh dear Lord, three things we pray. To love Thee more dearly. To see Thee more clearly. To follow Thee more nearly…day by day…by day. Amen. Amen.”

I like to imagine that God is laughing at this scene, too. But when we pray, are we guilty of the same? We turn on our “spiritual vocabulary” and then God will really listen to us, right? No, God wants authenticity from us. He wants us to tell Him what’s on our hearts. He already knows, but by opening ourselves up to Him we demonstrate trust. Sometimes I yell at God; I let Him hear my fears, frustrations and desires full-on.  He can take it. The beauty in my relationship with Him lies in the assurance that He never changes. He still loves me, and you, the same no matter what my attitude is when I talk to Him. In 1 Samuel it says “The Lord doesn’t see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”  God knows us intimately and knows everything we have ever done, the good AND the bad. Yet, the Creator of the universe loves us anyway. Isn’t that a real relationship? An authentic one? All of us want someone with whom we can let our guard down and be ourselves, and will accept us as we are.

So if you are looking for a real relationship, start with God. Give Him the real you. He wants  that, and be at peace knowing that He is not judging you, but smiling at you because of your trust in Him.

In her book, “Fountainhead,” Author Ayn Rand speaks of a ‘self-sufficient ego.’  A self-sufficient ego requires no validation of its moral value except by oneself. The only authority it needs is itself. Does this remind you of anyone?

Albert Einstein said, “Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile”. When I think about that quote, Mother Teresa comes to mind. From 1948 until her death in 1997, Mother Teresa devoted her life to serving the “poorest of the poor” in India. In 1979, Mother Teresa won the Nobel Prize for Peace. When she learned that the Nobel award panelists wanted to give a banquet in her honor, she refused to attend. Mother Teresa realized that the cost of the banquet was enough money to feed 400 people for a year in India. She requested that the money allocated for the banquet be given to her so she could accomplish just that. Not only did the they comply with her request, they made a significant additional contribution to her ministry.

An obstacle to humility is the illusion of self-sufficiency. We believe that our success is the direct result of our efforts alone, and God takes his rightful place on the back-burner. If self-sufficiency manifests into comparison, the endless spiral of unhealthy ego unfolds. We live in a society of more, more, more. How can we expect to remain humble in our life pursuits when we are trying to keep up with the Kardashians?

But I say to you that the best feeling in the world comes from doing something for someone who can never repay you. There is something about giving of ourselves without expecting anything in return that brings immeasurable joy. I would suggest that this is hard-wired into our DNA. Remember, we were created in God’s image. Jesus said (paraphrased), “that which you do for the least among you, you do for me.”  My belief is that we are honoring God when we act unselfishly. By honoring Him, we are able to truly connect with Him at the deepest level.

So when we feel like we are falling into the trap of comparison, let’s take an inventory of what we already have and be grateful. Our Creator is well-known for always giving us what we need…which may not be what we want.

How do we find peace in a world full of chaos and deadlines? Work, children, responsibilities at home, overthinking, iPhones and everyday distractions devour our time. And we can’t forget about relationships, can we? Or do we? The noise overloads our minds and leaves us feeling numb. People drink to excess and tranquilize themselves. Our pharmaceutical industry assures us that their “wonder drug” will cure whatever ails us and we buy it! People are stressed to capacity and some are at their breaking point. These hyper-stressed levels cause people to be short with others, only to regret it later. Others unnecessarily beat themselves up over mistakes long past and are full of regrets. Patience, once known as a virtue, is rarely found. Simple kindness has been replaced by rudeness, and sometimes cruelty. People are living unfulfilled lives and it feels like our planet is going to explode!

There are countless books and seminars that tell us how to create the life we want, restore order in our lives and reclaim our joy. Counter that pursuit with a culture that believes being busy is a sign of importance and nothing changes in our lives. But I believe there is a solution.

It begins with patience, and patience is a manifestation of a loving heart. The Apostle Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 13:4 that “Love is patient.” The fruits of the spirit are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23). Beautiful writings, but how do you put it into your life?

Carve out some quiet-time where there are no distractions, free from mental clutter.  For me, some days that means I arise at 4:00 a.m. to get 15-20 minutes of peace. During that time I meditate on the things I am grateful for in my life, not allowing one negative thought to slip in. The challenges of the day are still there, and I will tackle them. But I find that I am more effective in my life by being quiet for a short period of time. This sounds counterintuitive to my personality. I have a tremendous energy level and my mind is always going warp speed. But I listened to a close friend who told me “if I want to accomplish all the things I say I do, then I needed to clear my mind of the clutter.” I resisted for a while, but I finally relented and my productivity went up!

I challege you and encourage you to try it. What do you have to lose? Stress and worry? I leave you with a quote from Thomas Carlysle: “We are always looking far ahead, unable to enjoy the moment we are in because of impatience.”